countdown

On a good night, I'd know what to say. But after that conversation, I'm at a loss for words. 
So perhaps I'll take a different turn tonight, and start counting instead.

1. First to man up and speak up and the first man I cried over.
2. Second heartbreak.
3. Three months, Third year.
4. Four words: "I like you but,"
5. Five calendar dates, all in order.
6. Six days of confusion and counting.
7. Seven days makes a week and it's been a week. A full week.
8. Eight ramblings and a greeting.
9. Ninth of October.
10. Ten months then goodbye?

But these numbers signify memories, so my ABCs are the possibilities. 

So I will mix them all together to make pretty words I will always mean.
I didn't write this to make you feel bad, I just needed to get it out of my system. 
I might not ever tell you this in person, but you mean too much for me to just let you go.